Opinions needed: What are some of the most important topics young adults and adults face in dealing with social settings as they learn to navigate the neurotypical world?
Well, as an autistic, I feel that the neurotypicals need to learn more how not to pretend, they seem to have a constant anxiety of showing themselves "naked". They hide behind masks and that is why it has learned to say many white lies. Now lies have colors you see.
Yes, in the neurotypical world, what you say is sensored by invisible rules and mores. Showing their true feelings and thoughts, is a no-no, they need to say what the other needs to hear, or better what they think the other needs to hear. So they also need how to show respect by talking less and listening more, because if they listened they could hear and know what we autistics really want. To hear, and maybe to hear only silence.
But unless they talk, they look at you judgementaly, they look at your hair, your clothes, your bag and shoes and watch, and mascara and what not. That is why neurotypicals need to learn how to be less superficial, how to look for qualities in a person other than the brand of his/her clothes and how stylish/fashionable they are.
That also means that they will have to learn to expect less and be more open to new possibilities, to slow down and live the moment, to look more at details and not the big picture, to trust more their sixth sense and not just their eyes/ears, to be less greedy, to be more punctual, etc., etc., etc...
Once, with the right program and therapies, the neurotypicals adjust their behavior I am sure that autistic/Asperger people will have no problem with contacting them, dating them, and even marrying them. If they do not adjust their behavior, we will try to just avoid their vulgar ways and pretend we don't see them!
Just in case you thought that it is ONLY OUR PROBLEM that we "can't" socialize as you expect us to do! We can socialize, and make friends and date once we see that the other respects our social norms. We like quiet, still, peaceful, repetition, familiarity, units not a mass.
I hope I did not upset someone, but frankly speaking for autistics to be able to fit in today's society, adjustments need to be made TRULY FROM BOTH SIDES. Yet, we seem to accept neurotypicals as "normal" and expect autistics to fit their behavior to those "normal" standards. I feel that this is an unfair situation.
And for me dating a neurotypical is just a way to look for problems. I have always and only dated and had long relationships (2-5 years) with autistic men. The reason the relationships ended was my need for more moving space and freedom.
To explain exactly what I mean let me ask you why is an autistic thought as impaired in comparison to a neurotypical?
When neurotypicals seem to think they know what autism is and what Aspergers/HFA, why do they split autism into 3 "parts" to make it look like a spectrum?
Autism is not a spectrum, it is ONE and the same for all autistics (autism = basic way the brain functions and decodes the world around us). And since auties an aspies share this same basic viewpoint of the world, if you look clearly you will realize that what they call "autistic behavior" (either severe, mild or lite), is actually the rituals, social rituals, social language, social communication of our kind, we are a different kind of people, a different species of human race, just as the neuroticals are a different species.
The human kind just all other mammals has subspecies. Autistics are not broken "neurotypicals" we are a separate species of the human kind. The autistic mannerisms we have that science sees as disabilities, are not such when we are in the company of each other. Because we all behave within familiar social signals, our behavior is not strange to each other, our mannerisms are within our social norms.
The same way, tigers and lions are part of the same species but a different kind. Tigers are loners (much like the autistics) and the lions prefer to live in groups, with the male as the leader and the females doing most of the work around the family (more like the neurotypicals).
So, are tigers broken or impaired lions?
Are the neurotypicals impaired autistics?
Well, here is the autism puzzel my dear friends.
I consult families, autistic families should I say and teach them how to come out of their fake neurotypical personas and reconnect with their autistic kids, and 'poof' there goes autism out the window. Once the parents reconnect with their own autistic nature, and regain their long lost autistic language and social cues, they can reconnect with their own children much easier.
That is what I do. I heal the tigers that were taught to behave like lions to ensure their survival in a lion's world...
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